worst mom ever…..

I swear there is something wrong with my brain right now.  I keep forgetting things or doing things wrong.  Like today I had to drive Elizabeth to a dr. apt. and instead of going to the hospital…. I drove to the gym.  It wasn't until I pulled in that I snapped out of it and thought what am I doing…. Well tonight was a little crazy.  I had to go and pick up Elizabeth from violin, pick up Alexis and two of her friends from school so they could go to our house and do homework, run to the elementary and pick up a pumpkin from Brytlee's teacher, and then take Elizabeth to soccer, drop of the girls, and then go to Brytlee's soccer game.   Right after Brytlee's game was over it was so cold and a huge gust of wind came in and so I ran to the car fast with Max and asked Ryan to go to the store to get formula…. and then we both left.  We had been home for about 10 minutes when I got a call from Pizza Villa and it was Elizabeth saying she was cold and scared and didn't know where we were.  My heart fell to the floor and I was so sick to my stomach.  I had forgotten that she was at practice because she was suppose to walk over to Brytlee's game after it was over….. and I kinda left in a hurry because of the wind.  She said she had started to walk home and then got scared so she went the other direction and called me.  She was upset and was in tears and that only made it worse.  I am so so so so sad that I did that and still can not believe that this happened.
And even better, it was parents week at the lunch room for the kids at school and we were suppose to go on Tuesday and so Ryan had said he was going to go…. well he forgot about that one also.  So Brytlee sat and waited for him to show up and waited and waited until her lunch was over and the lunch lady told her, "um, I think he forgot.  You need to back to class."  That broke my heart also, and made me feel like such a great parent.  I even had the feeling that I should send him a text to remind him.  Why didn't I listen to myself.
This parent thing is so hard sometimes and the guilt of our mistakes can just eat you up inside.  I have been feeling so sick and torn up about these things, and they are over it and happy as can be now.  No matter what I do I worry that I am not being the parent that I need to be for them.  I feel like I hit the jackpot with my kids.  I really don't know how on earth I ended up with such amazing, smart, beautiful, funny, wonderful kids.  I am so lucky to have them and wonder if I deserve them.  I am so thankful to be their mom, and really don't know how I could be so lucky.
Back to the first of my story about taking Elizabeth to the doctor.  We had a apt. today and I am feeling a little better about this one.  He was better about looking into it and wanting to get this figured out.  We did a cat-scan today and then we have plans to meet with a specialist for allergies in a couple of weeks.  They are going to run tests for food, and other allergies.  He thinks that it is most likely going to be not just one thing wrong, but a few mixed together that is causing the problem.  
Anyway, I hope this streak of bad parenting is over and my head can go back to normal.  I told Lizzy that I felt like I was the one that needed the cat scan today for how bad I am remembering things.  She just smiled and laughed.  I am so glad that they are so forgiving.  I love my kids with all my heart and soul and just want to be the best mom that I can for them.