North Dakota

 the second building is moving along.  they have had a lot of issues with the windows and doors not being pre-cut where they were suppose to be so it took a while to adjust them and cut them out.   Little things like that can slow you down so much.  It happened on our house also and it was so much work to put them in place and then redo all the metal.

 The roof is getting closer to being shingled and the dormers and post are up

In a hurry to get back home to family's so they are working into the night.  I wish they had someone out there to have meals ready for them to eat.  I can not imagine working so hard ALL day and into the night and then going in and having to worry about making something for dinner also. 

Alexis update

So it has felt like a month to find out any results from Alexis's biopsy but and I was getting so impatient and frustrated with the doctors because they said they would call Wed. morning and let me know the results and they didn't.  Then they didn't call on Thursday so I called them and they promised he would call me that night.... and he didn't so Friday morning I was a little mad and called them and told them I wasn't getting off until I talked to someone who knew how to read the report and they let me know what they found out.  So I waited for about ten minutes and then they came on to tell me that it looked great and no Melanoma cells were found along with no sign of any tumors.  So it is just a stone in her gland and now we need to look into going to Salt Lake to a specialist that can take it out of her gland without cutting her open on her neck and can go through her mouth under her tongue and hopefully leave her gland in. 
I know for a fact that we have been blessed with a miracle for everything to turn out so simple.  The doctor said on Monday that when he saw the change and that it had gotten a little softer that he had been 99% sure that it was going to be cancer or something bad, but because he could see a change, he flipped it to the other way around.  It was no coincidence that it changed when it did....  with having  my family, and Ryan's family and me and all the other friends that knew about it fast and pray for her the day before, and then the very next day there was a change.  (after going for a month of staying the exact same)  I know that our prayers were answered, and after the day of fasting for me, I just knew that it was going to be alright.  I felt a strong peace, and was calm.  I am so thankful for all the family and friends who have been so loving and caring for us and thinking about us and praying for us. I know that we are loved, and I know that people truly care for me and my family.  It is such a wonderful feeling to know that.
Going through this I think about the people I know that have gone through the trials of Cancer and sickness and I don't know how they did it.  When I look at how strong they were and how amazing they handled everything it makes me feel like such a wimp.  I know that I have not gone through anything even close to what they have and it was just killing me inside to think of my baby with such a horrible sickness.  It really brought me closer to my girls and made me want to be a better mom to them, be more loving,  hug and kiss them, be more patient with them,  and tell them how much I love them all the time. 

messy, mess

 I used to always wonder why people would get ride of baby clothes and just keep re buying them each time they had a new baby.  Well after this HUGE mess I really understand why.  It is so much easier to just get ride of everything and start all over..... but it saves us so much money to do it this way and I still love so much of the clothes that we have, and I can look at a outfit and remember when my other girls wore it and what age they were when they fit it and they have all been different ages.  So there is good and bad. 

 But for the day and a half that I was going through all the winter two T clothes with the help of my very helpful girls and baby.... I was just about ready to get ride of it all. 

The most embarrassing part about doing this was, Alexis needed a blessing so when my neighbor and brother in law were available to come over and do it..... this is what they saw. 
Now that it is all cleaned up and put away in the closet I am so thankful I have it and it is fun to dress her up in all of it.  So I guess I will have to keep telling myself that it is worth it!

waiting... (alexis)

So today was the biopsy for Alexis.  She had to miss school so she was really so sad about that...(NOT, that was the reason she was so excited for today)  then we went to the doctors office where they gave her some medicine that they said would make her "drunk" and within ten minutes she started to get really giggly and everything was funny, and she said her tongue was furry and fuzzy.  She started to say some funny things like, "I want some chips"  out of nowhere, and then started trying to walk all over the place and she was falling so we had to try to keep her from getting up and that was a challenge.  After about 15 minutes of that they took her to a different room and gave her a shot on her bump that was going to numb everything so she wouldn't feel pain.  She started to slur her words and wasn't making a whole lot of sense and she would not hold still.  I wish they would have had some sort of a seat belt so she wouldn't be able to get up because that is all she wanted to do.  So for the next 45 minutes we just had to keep her from flopping of the table and try to get her to hold still.  Then I had the idea to have her talk on the phone to her dad to see if she could hold still and it worked but it made her start to cry when she told him that she wanted him and she missed him.  After that her emotions were all over the place and she couldn't stop crying.  At one point I asked her what was wrong and she just said "I'm scared"   that really made me feel horrible and tear up myself. 
The doctor finally came in and the first shot he did she turned her head really hard right into the needle and made it start to bleed really bad.  It was not a great start.  After that he had to do about seven more needles to try and get something out.  I thought there would be some sort of fluid that would come out but with every needle and when he would pull it out to suck something out... nothing would come out.  So he was having a very hard time getting a sample or piece of it.  But on the last one he felt like he got something.
The bump had softened up from the last time he had looked at it and he said he felt a lot better about it and it didn't worry him as much.
It really had softened up overnight because when I felt it and looked at it Sunday morning it had not changed at all.  But I know that with all the fasting, prayers, and her blessing we were blessed with some sort of a little miracle.  I felt so much peace at her appointment and just have a feeling that everything is going to be alright.  It was so weird fasting on Sunday for something that I had such a desire for.  I didn't feel hungry or feel like I was missing out on any food at all....(that is a first for me)  I know we had a lot of family and friends worried and praying for us and I just feel like they have helped out in every-way.
We will get a call in the next day or two and find out what the biopsy shows.  Then we will know what to do next but if it continues to change and soften up... best thing possible it will just go away on its own. 

 I took this picture a little after they gave her the drugs and she had started to get really silly. 

 After the procedure she couldn't walk at all so she was able to ride in the wheelchair.  If you can look at her smile and notice it is a little crooked... that worried me for a little while.  When she talked and everything for a couple hours after they were done it was a little crooked and I wondered if he had damaged a nerve or something.  But it seems to be back to normal now. 

Update on Alexis

So the whole thing going on with Alexis is making my head spin.  We have been taking a anti-biotic for the past week and putting a heating pad on it and eating lots of sour things... and massaging it.  And it still has not changed at all.  So I went in to see her doctor on Wed. and he still acted a little strange.  At first I felt like he had forgotten about us and was a little unprepared because I thought he would have a appointment lined up for the Specialist in Salt Lake, and have the next step ready for us.  So when he said that he would make sure he would call the Dr. that day I said, "are you going to write our name down or anything so you don't forget to do it?"  And he looked a little surprised and said, "oh trust me, I have not stopped thinking about it and I WILL NOT forget it."  So I asked him what he meant and he said that he was still a little concerned and still going over all her symptoms and it just didn't add up.  She was not at all normal and has no signs leading up to having a stone.  Most of the time when someone has a stone in a gland it is the size of a strawberry seed or even a popcorn seed and it just blocks off the duct so the gland gets backed up with saliva and will swell huge and feel like a water balloon until you get all the fluids out.  Well Alexis has no fluid in her gland at all and her stone is the size of a nickel or quarter even.  It has not made her sick in any way, her face didn't swell, and her neck didn't swell.  It really doesn't hurt her and if her music teacher from our ward wouldn't have said something.... I may not have ever noticed it.  
So later that day he said he called the specialist in Salt Lake and he wants to see her.  He also had a few different Radiologists go over her ultra sound and he said there was "a difference in opinions"  so they need her to come in right away and get a biopsy taken from it and run some more tests.   When I asked him what "difference of opinions" meant he just told me that he was going to be very vague and he didn't want to tell me anything else.
My mind has been going crazy and I really don't know how to take that or what to think but when I asked Ryan how he felt about everything he told me that he felt alright...... And that makes me feel so much better.  I know that if he was afraid that I would lose it.  I am trying not to think the worst and be positive and keep saying that it going to be fine and it will all work out.
The soonest they could get us in was Monday morning because no one works on the weekends....(for some reason it feels like Monday is taking FOREVER to get here and I do and don't really want it to come)

Mess maker

 Adi is so addicted to the kittens.  I can not keep her away from them.  If the door is not locked she can get outside all by herself and get them.  It was so funny because she went and got two of them and then sat on the couch and started to read a book to them. 

 I thought this was such a great picture of the sisters!  Such pretty little girls I have!

 This is how she gets them out.  Or she will just sit in the cat house and play with them for a while.... really gross I know but kinda funny

 Brytlee being a silly goose.

 I am going to have such a hard time getting these binkis away from this girl.  She LOVES her binki bink.... she was walking around with two in her mouth as happy as can be.  At night if she has one in her mouth and can see another one in the room she has to have it for her hand and will usually rub it on her face. 

Adison has gotten into a terrible stage of being a tornado.... she pulls everything out all day long and is climbing on everything.  She can climb our bar stools now ans so she can get on the counter and turns on the sink.  I have to watch her like a hawk all the time.  She can also climb onto our counter in our bathroom and is into everything and then will sit in the sink and fill it up.  She will also go into Lizzy's room and climb onto her desk and open her cabinets and pull out everything...  I don't know why she all of a sudden became such a mess maker but she is really keeping me busy and on my toes!

Memories

 I was going through my closet and found some great old pictures.  I am missing Ryan more than words can even say.  So I thought I would write down some memories and feelings.  The picture above is from when I made a trip out to Kalamazoo Michigan to get my engagement ring and get our invitation pictures taken.  I was setting out the things I thought I would wear for pictures and the next thing I knew Ryan came out wearing it.... Chase was out with me so I told him to hurry and get the camera and he grabbed me to cover him up so we couldn't get the picture.  He is so funny, and not afraid to be a goofball.  He has tried on all sorts of great outfits to get a good laugh out of me or other family members. 

 This picture was taken right after I got my beautiful ring.  I ruined the real proposal that Ryan had planned because I wouldn't go to bed and kept hinting that I wanted it.  He had a great one planned out about going down to this cute park that had a lake and a gazebo and get there really early when the sun was coming up and he would play his guitar for me and sing..... but instead he got down on one knee wile I was brushing my teeth and said all the right words and was so romantic until I jumped on him and said yes.  I was way to excited!!!  But for me it was all perfect.  We joked around about telling everyone the real proposal he had planned, but I like the real one just as much!!!

 Chase took this right after I finally got my ring!!!

This picture is a funny one because I am a horrible driver on a scooter... I was just pulling it out of the gate and my shirt got caught on the door and it ripped my jacket and pulled me off and I had a little crash.  I loved our little scooter.  Ryan ended up painting it black and putting some cool Bronco football (WMU) stickers on it.  It was stolen out of our back yard once and off our front porch once and then once while we were out of town.  We got it back each time and one of the times we didn't even know it was missing until the police came and told us they had found it.  When we left on of the football coaches that loved the scooter offered to buy it from Ryan and so we sold it.   Now I wish we would have kept it for our girls to have and see. 

 Our landlady had a pool that we were able to swim in at anytime.  We were having a little to much fun with the camera this day. 

 Ryan was caught doing the baywatch head shake.

Look at those muscles.  After all these years he has managed to keep his drop dead gorgeous body and stay in shape.  I don't know if he is just very blessed with that kind of genetics or what but that is another thing I love about him.  He has always looked his very best for me.  I know I have had a lot of UP'S and not as many downs on my weight because of having four babies and seven pregnancy all together.... but he is my main reason that I want to look good.  He has always done that for me and is just sooooooooo good looking I need to try and keep up with him as much as I can! 
It has almost been two full months that I have not been able to be with Ryan and it is NOT fun.  I am so sick of it and can  not wait for this to be over.  I am not good at being alone and I realize how much I depend on Ryan for everything I do.  He is the best father for our girls and such a great husband.  I love him and miss him so much it kind hurts my insides.  He is the best friend I have ever had and my soul mate!!!!  I love you and miss you honey

Hallelujah

Adison is officially in nursery!!!!  Wow today was a really hard sacrament meeting..... half way through it really dawned on me... without Ryan I am outnumbered four to one, but Adison really counts as three kids because she is so wild and so it is more like six to one.  The family sitting behind me tried to help out as much as possible but there was just way to much going on...
Like when Adison grabbed a tampon out of the diaper bag and started waving it around, and then scream when I took it away, and then I gave her a bag of chex and she swung it around her head and they went flying out of the bag all over the row in back of us and all over us.  Then Brytlee laid her head down on my lap and as soon as the sacrament water came to me she jumped up as fast as she could and just about spit the whole thing.   I took in a loud breath in and EVERYONE turned to look at us..... It was a great thing that the other three girls were being good today or I may have had a huge panic attack. 
But the next two hours were completely wonderful.  I got to sit all the way through both lessons and I actually was able to listen and learn and feel the spirit!  I love nursery

North Dakota updates

roof and sheeting going up

 Building number one

 building number two

Elizabeths birthday party 2

 So this was round two for the birthday girl.  Next it will be her baptism party so this girl is going to be so spoiled this year.... She invited a bunch of her friends from school, church, and a few friends for her sisters just to be nice.   We started the party off with a pinata which felt like a ton of candy was in it but when you have 13 girls... it didn't go very far

 Adison even got in on the action of hitting the pinata but she had to hold the bat upside down.

 The happy little party girl!

 We played red rover red rover (which is a great way to tear your arms off... and get girls hurt....)

 Then we did a gunny sack race

 then the three legged race

 the two smallest girls won!!!

 Then duck duck squirt.  Instead of saying goose, you got sprayed with silly string if you were it.

 Adison had a lot of time to play with the kitty's while her sisters were not able to keep her away from them.  She loves them so much and rocks them, bounces them, kisses them, and then if you try to take them away she squeezes them..... they are going to be a little wild I think....

 This is the birthday group.  I asked Elizabeth what the favorite part of the party was and she said "opening presents"  (who's isn't)  and then she did tell me that she had the best day ever.  So I am glad to make your day great, and hope you don't expect this all the time because it is A LOT of work..... j/k

 Adison loves to put on the girls glasses and then will say, "ohhhh pretty"  she is such a character and has the funniest personality. 

Worst. Day. Ever!

Alexis had her appointment in Logan at the ENT specialty hospital today and I decided to take Elizabeth along to see why she can not talk half of the time.  Turns out she has acid reflex.  So I really hope once I get her started on her meds she will be talking a lot better.  The doctor said she had a throat that looked worse than some 90 year old men have had....
Then he looked at Alexis and didn't look very positive about it.  He told me he wanted to get a ultra sound and a cat-scan so he could figure out what was going on.  When I asked him why he told me that he was a little concerned that it may be cancer or some kind of tumor from the growth and how hard it was.  He sent us right over to get a ultra-sound and it took forever to get in.  When we were in the room and she was being worked on, I asked the tech if it looked ok and she wouldn't even look at me and said "you need to talk to your doctor..."  and after that every question I asked that is how she answered. 
I had a ultra sound where there was a lot of problems with the baby and that is exactly how they acted.  They would tell me anything and didn't talk.  Just told me I needed to talk to my doctor..... So I was feeling a LOT freaked out.
Right after that was over my sister in-law came to pick up Elizabeth so she could get her back to school.  I was upset and ready to lose it as soon as I talked.  I really tried to keep it together so Alexis wouldn't get nervous or worried.  I must have done a great job because she had no clue I was really upset or that I had been crying. 
I went to the Dr. office and he meet with me right when I got to his office.... another sign that I really didn't like.  It took us a hour and a half to meet with him the first time.... he then told us that he had to talk to the radiologist some more and to meet him back in two hours......  LONGEST two hours of my LIFE!!!!!
When we got back to his office he told us the GREAT news that it was not cancer and that she has a stone in her saliva gland.   (it isn't called that but I don't know how to pronounce it)  He said that we could have him take it out... he would cut along her neck leaving a ugly scare... also he would have to take the whole gland out... making it hard to produce saliva... not sounding like a great choice.  OR.... he had heard of a specialist in SLC that can operate on it without cutting and without taking out the whole gland and it is a easy in and out procedure.  (kinda sounded like a no brainer)  He also told us to try eating a lot of sour candy and keep warm and massage it.  Hoping that we could somehow get it to pass the natural way.  (That would be AMAZING).  We meet with him again on Wed. and will find out more about what we need to do next. 
In the short and painful amount of time that I thought my little girl had cancer.... It was the worst I have ever felt in my entire life.  I had so many horrible thoughts and so many sick feelings.  I was sick to my stomach... I felt like I was going to throw up.  I was so frustrated that Ryan was not there with us.  I really needed a hug from him to make it feel alright.  I do not know how I could live knowing how much pain and suffering my little girl was going to be going through.  I am so grateful and feel so blessed that it is not the worst, and that it is fixable and we can move on.  I feel so horrible for the ones that are not so lucky, and I can now say that I have had a eye opener... and I really didn't like how it felt.  

sleeping beauty

A friend and I canned salsa this last week and we ended up having enough vegies to do four batches which made about 45 pints.  So at the end of all the work and cleaning up Brytlee just couldn't wait anymore for me to put her to bed.  She ended up crashing at my feet on the floor.  She has really become a momma's girl sense her dad has left.  She is always asking to cuddle and every single night she keeps trying to sneak into bed with me.  When she does it really sneaky it actually scared the heck out of me. I take her back to bed sometimes two or three times but some mornings I still find her laying beside me. 

just don't know what to do

So this is how Alexis's tonsil has looked for a little over two weeks now.  The picture really doesn't show how big it really is.  When you see it in person it is the size of a golf ball.  She had taken the antibiotics and they did nothing at all so now we are going to a specialist in Logan to find out what we need to do next.  She acts alright and doesn't complain until she slows down enough to tell me how much pain she is in. 
She even payed in her last soccer game and at the end came running to me balling telling me she couldn't breath and that it was burning.  I had told her to tell her coach to take her out if it hurt at all... but that is just how well she listens. 

Happy Bithday

 Elizabeth had such a great birthday!  She was so excited about this day that I am surprised she was able to sleep at all the night before.  Started the day off with a breakfast crepe and a birthday song.  It is so fun to see how excited they are about their birthdays because now that I am older I have had to lower my expectations and realize that I am not going to have a huge circus spoiled day that you get when you are little and that it should just be a normal day filled with people you love.  Bur for now with my kids I am so glad they get spoiled and have a ton of fun on their big day!

 I took Elizabeth lunch and ate with her in the cafeteria at school.  I was sitting at a table waiting for her when she came in and she looked all nervous and told me "mom, you can't sit here."  I thought she meant that I couldn't eat with her and I told her it was fine and to relax and eat with me... and as soon as she sat down and we got all the food out a lady came and told me we REALLY couldn't sit there and we needed to move to a different table.  (it was assigned for a class or something)

 Then after we were done eating I said, "do you want me to come and play with you at recess?"  and she said, "NO" kinda like she was ashamed of me or something... kinda hurt a little but then when I got it out of her she didn't think I could and that I would get into trouble AGAIN.

 I got to see all of her cute little friends and they all wanted to give little Adison a push on the swing.

 The cake she picked out.  It is a ocean and a Island with little bears floating on tubes and fish in the sea and a palm tree.

 The girls thought it was one of the best cakes I have made and the inside was even tie died.   Alexis reminded me that it was WAY better than Adisons ugly cake....

 We had all the Harris family come over for cake and ice cream and our neighbors also came for the party.  It was a lot of kids running around and it felt a little crazy without having Ryan's extra help.  I usually have one of us lighting candles and one taking pictures and then someone video taping and it is just so nice to have him around to help out..... I sure miss him.  Elizabeth was so excited to open presents but she really wanted her dad to see.  She kept asking ever minute if we could face-time him.  His Internet was down so it took what felt like forever to her for him to get it up and running so she could see him and show him all her things.  Then she could finally relax and enjoy her company. 

 We also had a pinata and it was a little weak.  It broke after only for people swinging at it but the kids didn't care as long as they got candy.  Adison was really excited and this may have been her favorite part of the party!

Elizabeth was so happy about ALL her presents and she really wanted a camera so I hope she likes this one.  Love you Liz and I am so glad you had such a great day and had so many special people to share this day with you.