I'm the lucky one

So the other day I was feeling very sorry for myself and my glass was just about empty.  I kept sinking lower and lower into my own self pitty and I really am just getting so sick of being alone and not having my husband around.  Then Adison started doing all sorts of cute things, and signing new things and saying new things... Brytlee started saying how much she loved me while she gave me a back rub and my day turned around right away.  I started to realize that I am the lucky one.  Ryan is off freezing and working his butt off, and I am home watching my baby's grow.  I really feel bad now that he is missing out on so much for the girls.  He has already missed all of the girls soccer games and that is something he LOVES to see.  I was BUSY running them around and it was so CRAZY remembering which one had practice and which one had a game.  Between the three of them, we had something going on with soccer every single day of the week.  I guess it has helped me keep my mind off of missing Ryan so much and kept me busy so time has gone a little faster. 
Adison just in the last two days has started be interested in going to the bathroom on the potty.   She has gone pee two times and poo two times.  She is so cute and gets so excited and when she is done she waved bye bye pee pee, bye bye poo poo.... it was so funny.  Then this morning she sat at the table and held her fork like a big girl and ate a crepe all by herself without making any mess's and just acted so old. 
I am so ready to be with Ryan again, and can not wait for this to be over.  And then I never want to ever do it ever again!!!!! 

what to do

I am not sure what to do about the picky eaters anymore.  I am getting so tired of fixing the things I know they will eat, and if there is anything different they pick at it and most times will not even touch it.  I really only have one that is like this and it drives me so crazy...... The other day she was invited to a friends house and they were going to let her stay up late and watch movies and eat popcorn and have a great time, but when it came time for dinner (they were having beef taco's)  instead of telling them she doesn't like red meat, she asked them if they could take her home.  So she chose to leave a fun night and miss out... instead of eating food.... grrrrrrr
I really have been hoping it would be something she would grow out of but it is almost getting worse.  I remember a few years ago she told me that when she was Alexis age she would eat everything and not be picky anymore.  So I reminded her about that and she told me that she still isn't as old as Alexis..... ha ha

Poor baby

I was out picking strawberry's and tomatoes and I feed Adison a few strawberry's and she loved them. When I turned my back she picked a jalapeno and took a huge bite and ate it before I could stop her.  The jalapeno's are right next to the strawberry's and they are older so they have turned red.  I think she thought it was a strawberry so that is why she ate it.   Now she is in soooo much pain and I couldn't get it to stop for about a hour.  I felt so bad for her.  When we went into the house I poured her a glass of milk and she drank it so fast and couldn't get enough.  Then I  tried bread and read online that sugar and other fatty things work.  I put sugar in a fourth of a cup and just let her drink it.  She was in so much pain and was making the saddest cries and throwing up sounds.  After a while I put milk in her bottle and as she slowly drank it, she was much better. 

North Dakota

 the second building is moving along.  they have had a lot of issues with the windows and doors not being pre-cut where they were suppose to be so it took a while to adjust them and cut them out.   Little things like that can slow you down so much.  It happened on our house also and it was so much work to put them in place and then redo all the metal.

 The roof is getting closer to being shingled and the dormers and post are up

In a hurry to get back home to family's so they are working into the night.  I wish they had someone out there to have meals ready for them to eat.  I can not imagine working so hard ALL day and into the night and then going in and having to worry about making something for dinner also. 

Alexis update

So it has felt like a month to find out any results from Alexis's biopsy but and I was getting so impatient and frustrated with the doctors because they said they would call Wed. morning and let me know the results and they didn't.  Then they didn't call on Thursday so I called them and they promised he would call me that night.... and he didn't so Friday morning I was a little mad and called them and told them I wasn't getting off until I talked to someone who knew how to read the report and they let me know what they found out.  So I waited for about ten minutes and then they came on to tell me that it looked great and no Melanoma cells were found along with no sign of any tumors.  So it is just a stone in her gland and now we need to look into going to Salt Lake to a specialist that can take it out of her gland without cutting her open on her neck and can go through her mouth under her tongue and hopefully leave her gland in. 
I know for a fact that we have been blessed with a miracle for everything to turn out so simple.  The doctor said on Monday that when he saw the change and that it had gotten a little softer that he had been 99% sure that it was going to be cancer or something bad, but because he could see a change, he flipped it to the other way around.  It was no coincidence that it changed when it did....  with having  my family, and Ryan's family and me and all the other friends that knew about it fast and pray for her the day before, and then the very next day there was a change.  (after going for a month of staying the exact same)  I know that our prayers were answered, and after the day of fasting for me, I just knew that it was going to be alright.  I felt a strong peace, and was calm.  I am so thankful for all the family and friends who have been so loving and caring for us and thinking about us and praying for us. I know that we are loved, and I know that people truly care for me and my family.  It is such a wonderful feeling to know that.
Going through this I think about the people I know that have gone through the trials of Cancer and sickness and I don't know how they did it.  When I look at how strong they were and how amazing they handled everything it makes me feel like such a wimp.  I know that I have not gone through anything even close to what they have and it was just killing me inside to think of my baby with such a horrible sickness.  It really brought me closer to my girls and made me want to be a better mom to them, be more loving,  hug and kiss them, be more patient with them,  and tell them how much I love them all the time. 

messy, mess

 I used to always wonder why people would get ride of baby clothes and just keep re buying them each time they had a new baby.  Well after this HUGE mess I really understand why.  It is so much easier to just get ride of everything and start all over..... but it saves us so much money to do it this way and I still love so much of the clothes that we have, and I can look at a outfit and remember when my other girls wore it and what age they were when they fit it and they have all been different ages.  So there is good and bad. 

 But for the day and a half that I was going through all the winter two T clothes with the help of my very helpful girls and baby.... I was just about ready to get ride of it all. 

The most embarrassing part about doing this was, Alexis needed a blessing so when my neighbor and brother in law were available to come over and do it..... this is what they saw. 
Now that it is all cleaned up and put away in the closet I am so thankful I have it and it is fun to dress her up in all of it.  So I guess I will have to keep telling myself that it is worth it!

waiting... (alexis)

So today was the biopsy for Alexis.  She had to miss school so she was really so sad about that...(NOT, that was the reason she was so excited for today)  then we went to the doctors office where they gave her some medicine that they said would make her "drunk" and within ten minutes she started to get really giggly and everything was funny, and she said her tongue was furry and fuzzy.  She started to say some funny things like, "I want some chips"  out of nowhere, and then started trying to walk all over the place and she was falling so we had to try to keep her from getting up and that was a challenge.  After about 15 minutes of that they took her to a different room and gave her a shot on her bump that was going to numb everything so she wouldn't feel pain.  She started to slur her words and wasn't making a whole lot of sense and she would not hold still.  I wish they would have had some sort of a seat belt so she wouldn't be able to get up because that is all she wanted to do.  So for the next 45 minutes we just had to keep her from flopping of the table and try to get her to hold still.  Then I had the idea to have her talk on the phone to her dad to see if she could hold still and it worked but it made her start to cry when she told him that she wanted him and she missed him.  After that her emotions were all over the place and she couldn't stop crying.  At one point I asked her what was wrong and she just said "I'm scared"   that really made me feel horrible and tear up myself. 
The doctor finally came in and the first shot he did she turned her head really hard right into the needle and made it start to bleed really bad.  It was not a great start.  After that he had to do about seven more needles to try and get something out.  I thought there would be some sort of fluid that would come out but with every needle and when he would pull it out to suck something out... nothing would come out.  So he was having a very hard time getting a sample or piece of it.  But on the last one he felt like he got something.
The bump had softened up from the last time he had looked at it and he said he felt a lot better about it and it didn't worry him as much.
It really had softened up overnight because when I felt it and looked at it Sunday morning it had not changed at all.  But I know that with all the fasting, prayers, and her blessing we were blessed with some sort of a little miracle.  I felt so much peace at her appointment and just have a feeling that everything is going to be alright.  It was so weird fasting on Sunday for something that I had such a desire for.  I didn't feel hungry or feel like I was missing out on any food at all....(that is a first for me)  I know we had a lot of family and friends worried and praying for us and I just feel like they have helped out in every-way.
We will get a call in the next day or two and find out what the biopsy shows.  Then we will know what to do next but if it continues to change and soften up... best thing possible it will just go away on its own. 

 I took this picture a little after they gave her the drugs and she had started to get really silly. 

 After the procedure she couldn't walk at all so she was able to ride in the wheelchair.  If you can look at her smile and notice it is a little crooked... that worried me for a little while.  When she talked and everything for a couple hours after they were done it was a little crooked and I wondered if he had damaged a nerve or something.  But it seems to be back to normal now. 

Update on Alexis

So the whole thing going on with Alexis is making my head spin.  We have been taking a anti-biotic for the past week and putting a heating pad on it and eating lots of sour things... and massaging it.  And it still has not changed at all.  So I went in to see her doctor on Wed. and he still acted a little strange.  At first I felt like he had forgotten about us and was a little unprepared because I thought he would have a appointment lined up for the Specialist in Salt Lake, and have the next step ready for us.  So when he said that he would make sure he would call the Dr. that day I said, "are you going to write our name down or anything so you don't forget to do it?"  And he looked a little surprised and said, "oh trust me, I have not stopped thinking about it and I WILL NOT forget it."  So I asked him what he meant and he said that he was still a little concerned and still going over all her symptoms and it just didn't add up.  She was not at all normal and has no signs leading up to having a stone.  Most of the time when someone has a stone in a gland it is the size of a strawberry seed or even a popcorn seed and it just blocks off the duct so the gland gets backed up with saliva and will swell huge and feel like a water balloon until you get all the fluids out.  Well Alexis has no fluid in her gland at all and her stone is the size of a nickel or quarter even.  It has not made her sick in any way, her face didn't swell, and her neck didn't swell.  It really doesn't hurt her and if her music teacher from our ward wouldn't have said something.... I may not have ever noticed it.  
So later that day he said he called the specialist in Salt Lake and he wants to see her.  He also had a few different Radiologists go over her ultra sound and he said there was "a difference in opinions"  so they need her to come in right away and get a biopsy taken from it and run some more tests.   When I asked him what "difference of opinions" meant he just told me that he was going to be very vague and he didn't want to tell me anything else.
My mind has been going crazy and I really don't know how to take that or what to think but when I asked Ryan how he felt about everything he told me that he felt alright...... And that makes me feel so much better.  I know that if he was afraid that I would lose it.  I am trying not to think the worst and be positive and keep saying that it going to be fine and it will all work out.
The soonest they could get us in was Monday morning because no one works on the weekends....(for some reason it feels like Monday is taking FOREVER to get here and I do and don't really want it to come)

Mess maker

 Adi is so addicted to the kittens.  I can not keep her away from them.  If the door is not locked she can get outside all by herself and get them.  It was so funny because she went and got two of them and then sat on the couch and started to read a book to them. 

 I thought this was such a great picture of the sisters!  Such pretty little girls I have!

 This is how she gets them out.  Or she will just sit in the cat house and play with them for a while.... really gross I know but kinda funny

 Brytlee being a silly goose.

 I am going to have such a hard time getting these binkis away from this girl.  She LOVES her binki bink.... she was walking around with two in her mouth as happy as can be.  At night if she has one in her mouth and can see another one in the room she has to have it for her hand and will usually rub it on her face. 

Adison has gotten into a terrible stage of being a tornado.... she pulls everything out all day long and is climbing on everything.  She can climb our bar stools now ans so she can get on the counter and turns on the sink.  I have to watch her like a hawk all the time.  She can also climb onto our counter in our bathroom and is into everything and then will sit in the sink and fill it up.  She will also go into Lizzy's room and climb onto her desk and open her cabinets and pull out everything...  I don't know why she all of a sudden became such a mess maker but she is really keeping me busy and on my toes!

Memories

 I was going through my closet and found some great old pictures.  I am missing Ryan more than words can even say.  So I thought I would write down some memories and feelings.  The picture above is from when I made a trip out to Kalamazoo Michigan to get my engagement ring and get our invitation pictures taken.  I was setting out the things I thought I would wear for pictures and the next thing I knew Ryan came out wearing it.... Chase was out with me so I told him to hurry and get the camera and he grabbed me to cover him up so we couldn't get the picture.  He is so funny, and not afraid to be a goofball.  He has tried on all sorts of great outfits to get a good laugh out of me or other family members. 

 This picture was taken right after I got my beautiful ring.  I ruined the real proposal that Ryan had planned because I wouldn't go to bed and kept hinting that I wanted it.  He had a great one planned out about going down to this cute park that had a lake and a gazebo and get there really early when the sun was coming up and he would play his guitar for me and sing..... but instead he got down on one knee wile I was brushing my teeth and said all the right words and was so romantic until I jumped on him and said yes.  I was way to excited!!!  But for me it was all perfect.  We joked around about telling everyone the real proposal he had planned, but I like the real one just as much!!!

 Chase took this right after I finally got my ring!!!

This picture is a funny one because I am a horrible driver on a scooter... I was just pulling it out of the gate and my shirt got caught on the door and it ripped my jacket and pulled me off and I had a little crash.  I loved our little scooter.  Ryan ended up painting it black and putting some cool Bronco football (WMU) stickers on it.  It was stolen out of our back yard once and off our front porch once and then once while we were out of town.  We got it back each time and one of the times we didn't even know it was missing until the police came and told us they had found it.  When we left on of the football coaches that loved the scooter offered to buy it from Ryan and so we sold it.   Now I wish we would have kept it for our girls to have and see. 

 Our landlady had a pool that we were able to swim in at anytime.  We were having a little to much fun with the camera this day. 

 Ryan was caught doing the baywatch head shake.

Look at those muscles.  After all these years he has managed to keep his drop dead gorgeous body and stay in shape.  I don't know if he is just very blessed with that kind of genetics or what but that is another thing I love about him.  He has always looked his very best for me.  I know I have had a lot of UP'S and not as many downs on my weight because of having four babies and seven pregnancy all together.... but he is my main reason that I want to look good.  He has always done that for me and is just sooooooooo good looking I need to try and keep up with him as much as I can! 
It has almost been two full months that I have not been able to be with Ryan and it is NOT fun.  I am so sick of it and can  not wait for this to be over.  I am not good at being alone and I realize how much I depend on Ryan for everything I do.  He is the best father for our girls and such a great husband.  I love him and miss him so much it kind hurts my insides.  He is the best friend I have ever had and my soul mate!!!!  I love you and miss you honey