feelings time

Ryan has been away from home and in North Dakota for 12 weeks now...... 12 of the longest weeks of my life.  
I have had so many people come up to me and say "so... how are you doing"  they almost have a sad puppy dog look on their faces.  When Ryan first left I was alright and just said fine.... then a little later if someone asked me that I would almost break into tears.  Now... I am almost in a mad phase, and I just want to scream.  I am sooooooo sick of the whole situation.  I am so ready to have my husband home.  I want the girls to be with their dad, I want to be a normal family again, I really really HATE this.  I never would have guessed that missing someone so much could physically hurt so bad.  I am kinda to a point that I feel like this may never end and I really don't know when I will get to see him again.  It is getting old wondering when and how much longer......
It really feels like right now there is no amount of money worth living this way.  I have also realized how nice the every day things were when he was home.  Just having someone to wake up next to me in the morning and give me a hug and kiss.  Someone to play with the girls and see how happy it makes them.  Even when Ryan was home and in the garage working on something, just knowing he was home and with me was such a comfort.  I miss that feeling so much.
I can't go on a lot about this because I am not the happiest about it right now and I don't want sympathy, or to sound like a total grump.   I just want to look back and know that this was not easy and it was not fast, and I don't want to ever do this again. 
The girls have been so great this whole time.  They get so excited when they  get to see Ryan on the computer and when they get to talk to him on the phone, and they have been a great help to me.  They have helped keep me busy so that time did go a little fast.... and helped me keep my mind off of being alone.   I am not missing my husband for the fact that I want him to come home and help me with the kids.... I just miss him so much and do not feel complete without him next to me.
Having this time to be alone and think has made me realize how much I love Ryan and how great I have it.  I really feel so lucky to have married the worlds greatest dad, and husband.  Words don't really even feel like they are enough for how much I truly love him!