So I said to myself......

I have been thinking about something a lot the last little while, and I don't have it figured out yet. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason. And when things don't go our way I try and tell myself "oh maybe if that would have went the way we wanted it to, (like Ryan playing more football) he would have gotten hurt, and it would have effected the rest of his life, so it is a good thing that he was done". Or like when someone tells me that they are going to rent our house and then they back out after I had to kick our previous renters out, I am trying to tell myself, "maybe they would have been bad and not paid, and maybe there is someone that is going to move in that we need to get to know......" I know I am weird, but I always try and put a positive thought on something crappy that happens. But because I am not perfect and because I make mistakes, I can't help but think sometimes, now did this not work out because of something that I have done wrong. Or when I do something wrong, I beat myself up so bad and worry that something bad is going to happen to one of my kids because I did something I shouldn't have (even if it is something like talking bad about someone, or swearing). I have always had this inside of me and in some ways it is a great thing. It is the reason I never drank or did drugs, because I always had this feeling that if I did I was going to die in some weird way, or the future that I wanted wouldn't be possible, (like I wouldn't be able to have children or all my kids would be deformed and messed up because of what I did) My sister always makes fun of me..... when I need to make a decision or my kids are not with me, so many of these thoughts go through my head and it can be very disturbing. So what do you think? Do things always happen for a reason, and out of something bad do you always find something better? And if you do mess up, will things be altered? And my next question is.... does any of this even make any sense?