Alexis said something this Saturday that broke my heart. She was playing and going round and round in circles when I walked by and her arm hit me. I said "ouch" and she said she was sorry and I didn't really think anything of it, but then that night Elizabeth got hurt and so I was holding her. The whole time I was holding her Alexis was grumpy and glaring and making mean faces at me, and I still didn't really think to much of it... so then when I went to tuck them in for bed, Alexis was curled up in a ball, and didn't want me to even touch her, so I asked her what was wrong??? Then she broke into tears and started sobbing. She told me that she really didn't mean to hit me and she was sorry. So I said it wasn't a big deal, it didn't really hurt and I was not mad at her at all. Then she was crying so hard that she could hardly even talk, and then she said, "I feel like you love Lizzy more than you love me, you get to spend all day with her and Brytlee, and I am at school, and I never get to see you anymore". I was so sad that Alexis felt this way. I have always worried about being fair to all my kids, and there is no way that I could ever love one more than the other or stop loving one of them no matter what. I had a talk with her and I hope that it helped.
I have not been able to get the whole situation out of my head.... I love my kids so much but I do feel like half the time I don't get to pay attention to them because I am cleaning, cooking, or working on something. I hate that I can't just play with them all the time, or just hold them a little more. (the hard thing with my girls is when you hold one, the others get mad or just try to climb on and try to push the other one off) I have been thinking for a while, "How can I show each of my girls that they are loved and special"? So I am thinking that Ryan and I could maybe take them out on a date one by one. Or even just tell them more how much I love them. Or......
4 comments:
That is soo sad!!! I remember growing up with sisters that we would all notice when things "weren't fair", but never really thought about how it would make my mom feel!! My mom was awesome though. I remember she used to think of a few fun things (manicure, movie, shopping, ect.) and then we would each get to pick what we would do on our "date" with mom. She would schedule it all out so we all knew we got a turn, but we were all so excited for our special time!
No one ever tells you that this kind of heartbreak comes with being a parent, but I suppose it's a good thing that kids tell you exactly how they feel. It's true there is only so much time in a day, but I am certain that your girls know the way you feel about them. Alexis sounds like she has a tender little heart.
That is so heart wrenching. Hunter told Lance and I that it seems like you like Ava more than us because you always hold her and play ith her more. So I understand a little. It is so hard to make time for all the kids I have to work on it too.
Jill, that breaks my heart! I'm glad you were able to get her to talk. I bet that killed you. I know my sisters have tried to do a day alone with mom or with dad or something like that. Their kids have liked that. Being the amazing mom that you are, I'm sure you'll think of something. :) I'm glad the flowers are starting to pop out! :) Love you!
Nan
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